Hemorrhoidal Treatment for Idiots

First of all, you’ve got to know about the word hemorrhoid and what it stands for. It is pronounced as “hemoroyd,” and no you don’t have to go to Mr. Webster because he will only show you a nosebleed-inducing syllabication which you will probably react to with a “huh?” Try stressing the word and lifting one of your eyebrows for better effect.

If you’re a keen observer or a pervert with a fetish for legs, you probably have seen some people wearing tiny shorts and skirts with large green veins that are dilated, usually found at the back of the lower thighs down to the legs. Imagine putting these dilated veins in your anus and picture those veins create a bulge right outside your butt hole or deeper inside your rectum. They would be called external and internal hemorrhoids, respectively.

Hemorrhoidal treatment depends on the severity of the symptoms. Home remedies may just suffice if you have doctorophobia or if you’re just unwilling to pay someone for such a pain in the butt. A sitz bath may help in hemorrhoidal treatment by reducing itchiness and discomfort. To do this, you must fill the tub with plain warm shallow water and stay there for about ten minutes. This procedure must be done 3-4 times a day. You can also use ice packs to create a numbing effect to reduce pain and even swelling. Wearing loose cotton underwear can help your butt breathe air and absorb moisture to prevent bacterial growth. If you’re a girl, forget about your silk lingerie for a while because they won’t make you look sexy at all – your partner definitely wouldn’t want to see that thing in your behind.

Other ways for hemorrhoidal treatment involves the use of drugs. Non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs like naproxen sodium can be used to reduce the swelling, pain and discomfort. Hydrocortisone, in the form of creams and suppositories, is also effective. Methylcellulose can also be used to treat constipation, along with senna concentrates and docusate sodium.

Other forms of hemorrhoidal treatment include rubber band ligation, injection sclerotherapy, infrared photocoagulation and laser coagulation. To simplify, they basically cut off blood supply to the hemorrhoidal veins. Do the math (or science, or whatever), vein minus blood is equal to death. Dead vein is equal to no hemorrhoid. And lastly, hemorrhoidectomy is a procedure that directly removes the hemorrhoid through incision, laser or cautery.

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